Things Are Looking Up

So…Things are indeed looking up.

  1. My main excitement is that Boy has been accepted to his art college of choice.  It’s going to mean he’s going to have to get Student Loans because – whew – hella expensive.  But I am so proud of him for going after this.  He did what we asked him to do.  He got an Associate’s Degree.  Now he’s going to do what he wants to do.  And I don’t think it will matter that he’s four years older than the other students.  He put in his application for housing yesterday and I really hope he gets it.  I always wanted to do the whole dorm/college thing.  Wish I had taken that route when I had the chance.  And he’s doing this all on his own.  I couldn’t be more proud.
  2. I buried the lead on #1:  He got a $10K a year scholarship!  That’s pretty cool.  It will help a lot.
  3. A friend of mine asked me to join her water aerobics class last week.  It’s a different class than the one I had been attending at the gym.  I liked it a lot more.  It was more challenging.  They have the class on Monday and Wednesday and it will cost me about $15 a week to attend both, but that’s okay.  It’s good for me.  And Husband has admitted that, while he’d like to have me home every night, I am much happier when I do these things.  I skipped Monday because of some threatening weather, but really wished I hadn’t.
  4. My second class was yesterday at the end of a very bad work day.  I didn’t want to go.  My friend didn’t show up cause she was sick, but her other friends were just as warm and inviting without her.  By the time warm up was over, I was feeling so much better.  And I was able to stop eating before I really wanted to last night.  This morning I woke up before my alarm went off for the first time in weeks and made it to work early.  I even parked farther away from the building.  One habit really does help me get back on track.
  5. I haven’t had a Coke or any other soda since Sunday.  I really want one.  But I’m not going to have one.
  6. My morning coffee habit (2 cups with about three tblsp of Hazelnut creamer) is almost gone.  I’m finding I don’t really have a taste for it anymore.  I’m more into water in the morning, which is better for me.  When I do drink coffee for the caffeine kick, I’ve been drinking it black.  I do, occasionally, treat myself to a iced Caramel Macchiato at SBUX, but only if I’m in the neighborhood.  (Those things are expensive.)

So things are looking up.  I am getting more into the groove with regard to my health and that makes me happy.  I’m trying to cook more, as that makes quite a difference.  I made the most yummy Asian Chicken with Udon Noodles and Peanut Sauce last week.  Even Husband ate it.  (Although I don’t know if he was kidding or not about adding a can of gravy.)  When food tastes good, I tend not overeat as much.

Work has been very difficult for me lately.

I have a tendency to feel “left out” of things when others on my team are in meetings to which I’ve not been invited.  Or when everyone knows what I’m working on but I have no clue what they’re working on.  Or when I have nothing to work on.  Or when I don’t understand something.  Basically, I’ve just been feeling like I don’t understand my job very well and people are not trusting me to do it.  Which is ridiculous because I’ve had several successful projects wrap up in the last few months and the stumbling blocks we’re having on the others have more to do with lack of communication than anything else.

Yesterday, one of my favorite people in the company hurt my feelings.  She’s a Director and is under a tremendous amount of stress.  We’re severely understaffed right now and she’s been forced to take on a lot of roles that she normally would delegate.  While I don’t report to her directly, she’s still a Director and her respect means something to me.  (Hell, it means something to me because she’s just an awesome person in general.)  We’ve been working on a project together that has a multitude of problems. It didn’t kick off right.  It wasn’t quoted well.  The President wouldn’t let me do a part of the job that I usually do, so I got my panties in a bunch and decided to only do what he told me.  (I really should have acted as if I was doing my part anyway.)  My vacation came right in the middle of the project and someone else had to take over.  Then this Director got thrown into the mix in the middle when the President couldn’t make time for it any more.

In the end, we’re getting done what needs to be done, but only because we’re altering things on the back end.

Anyway…Long story longer, yesterday there was an exchange of emails that basically asked me why I was doing something a certain way and my response of, “Because you told me to.” was met with defensiveness and when I attached the email I received telling me to do it that way – clearly stating I must have misunderstood it – she accused me of blaming her.

I started at least three emails in response and trashed them all.  I had a good cry about it and let it ruin my afternoon. I thought about calling her to work it out but decided not to add to her stress.  I’m glad I did, because this morning she apologized and asked if we could meet and discuss this tomorrow when she’s in the office.

I’m trying so hard to think before I act here at work.  And at home, too.  Maybe it’s working.  One’s never to old to learn,  I guess.

Another Reason

And I forgot the other reason why I don’t want to have more surgeries.

THEY ALWAYS SCREW SOMETHING UP SO I HAVE TO DO IT MORE THAN ONCE!

Just got reminded of that by the Urgent Care where I get my blood drawn.  She took 9 tubes of blood out of me on the 6th and the lab neglected to do the ParaThyroid test.  Kind of an important one for me.

So I’m taking some sick time this afternoon to go and get that redone.  Which is fine because I feel like crap anyway.

Still Climbing

My many attempts to climb out of this funk have had a 50/50 success rate.

This weekend, I went to an event that I didn’t want to go to.  I had asked Husband if I could just skip it, but he thought I should really go.  These are the people in my life I feel awkward around.  These are the cool kids and I am the giant girl with giant boobs in the overalls with the frizzy hair.  I was just not feeling it.  Somehow I had convinced myself that if I stayed home I would do something other than watch TV, play video games, and nap. (HA!)  But I went.

First we got up early, got breakfast and went to the grocery, like we do every Saturday.  Then I had an appointment to get my haircut where I made my hairdresser give me bangs.  Next time, I’m going to make her give me better bangs.  (It’s a little difficult to style as the short bangs keep getting mixed up with the longer parts.  But I like not having to wipe my hair away from my face.)

Then we headed out to event:  A tailgate with Husbands friends for his buds birthday celebration and then the game after.  I still didn’t want to go, but the weather was pretty perfect for me (70-ish and overcast), plus bangs.  I was feeling better about it.  I was surprised by the number of people there.  Last year, this same event had far fewer women and the tailgating consisted of beers and the one bag of chips and dip we brought.  This year it was a full on tailgate with chili dogs and vodka spike fruit salad and subs and cupcakes.  And it was fun to see everyone.  I met some new people.  It was great.

A few things happened that had me frustrated, though.

  1. The event fell on a week where I got paid on Monday after the week Husband didn’t get paid.  And we were extremely short of fun money after paying more medical bills.
  2. The parking, which Husband said would be $10 turned out to be $15.
  3. I felt stupid that we were the only ones there without food to share.  I don’t think anyone else cared, but I did.
  4. The tickets that Husband told me were “free” cost $40, which had to be forked over to the birthday boy in cash.  Thank goodness I had done an ATM.
  5. I had left my sunglasses at home (overcast, remember) and as soon as we got situated at the game, the sun came out in full force.  My face, head and eyes were non too happy about that yesterday.  Today only my nose is complaining.

And an interesting thing happened to me.  I was having a conversation with one of the ladies.  She not being one to hold back on anything, asked me when I was getting my implants.

HA!

Boy, she was surprised when I said I already had them.  And they were supposed to be D cups.

She’d had breast reduction surgery a few years ago, so I knew she was being sincere. And I told her the truth.  I’m not happy with them.  Which is the first time I’ve said that out load.  I’m especially not happy with them since gaining my weight back, but I wasn’t happy with them in the first place.

I think I was so intimidated by Dr. Plastic and so ready to just have it be OVER already, I didn’t want to say I wasn’t a satisfied customer.  And he didn’t offer any kind of follow up – which I find a little odd.  Not that I wanted any more surgery then, nor do I in the near future.  But someday I might.

And I’ve decided it’s not selfish or whiney to feel like I didn’t get what I want.  It doesn’t mean I made the wrong choice, either.  It just means I had the wrong surgeon.  Because he either didn’t explain it to me correctly or didn’t do what he was supposed to do.

It made me feel a little better to have circled in on one of the things that are bothering me.

————————————————————————————————————————————————————

Today I’ve had some time at work, so I did some research on Bariatric Surgery.

I’ve often said I wasn’t a good candidate for surgery, but I’m feeling desperate.  I like what I read about the program at my hospital.  There is a lot of pre-counseling and information and a lot of aftercare.  I was a little surprised that the hospital stay was 2-4 days.  (I hate staying at the hospital.  It’s impossible to sleep and so boring.)  And I did confirm the side-effects – one of which is loss of hair.  And you know how I feel about my hair.

Still, I was all set to call about their information seminar, when I thought I should research the cost a little bit.  I already know that my insurance will pay 50% of one surgery per lifetime.  I thought if the surgery were as much as $4,000.00 even, I could swing that.  But nooooooooooooo!.  The surgery runs between $25-50,000.00.  And I’m assuming that covers all the therapy, follow up, groups, etc.

So that put a pin in my balloon.  No way I can do that.  No way.  No how.

I guess I’m just going to have to do this the old fashioned way.

Time to suck it up, buttercup.

It’s a Fine Line Between A Rut and A Routine

One of the things I really hate about Bloggers is when they don’t update.

Yup.  Two months since I’ve updated.

Whatever.

Nothing is going right.  Nothing is going particularly wrong, either.  I am just not in love with my life right now.

When my husband declined to go on an Anniversary getaway, I booked a flight to Nugget-town, AZ.  After spending a wonderful four days with the kids and that precious bundle of lovin’, I thought I’d come home refreshed and renewed.  Instead, I came home sick.  Which is how I spent out 24th anniversary.  In bed. Sleeping off a fever.

Whatever it was, I must have picked it up on the plane because Big Boy’s family is fine.  I, on the other hand, am still feeling like crap and coughing up the occasional lung.   Thankfully, between Memorial Day and working from home, I didn’t miss any work.  (I didn’t go to the Dr. because I didn’t want to hear her ask me why I hadn’t done my blood draw yet.)

Speaking of Dr.s, upon my return I was greeted with $1,000 in medical bills from the stupid biopsy of the not-cancer. Luckily, we had enough to cover them and I didn’t have to borrow more money from Boy.  That made me feel like crap.

Speaking of Boy, he is the source of much tension and stress in our house lately.  When he graduated High School, he wanted to study animation.  We made him a deal that he could do whatever he wanted as long as he got an Associates in General Studies/Liberal Arts first.  That way he’d have the basics if he changes his mind. He could fill up all of his electives with art classes, too.

So he did that.  And graduated and did the whole cap and gown thing.  He is debt-free and has a tidy little nest egg.  (I did none of these things.  I dropped out of a handful of colleges and wracked up a mountain of debt.)

And now he wants to go to the College of Creative Studies and get the degree he wanted in the first place.  He wants to live in the dorm in Detroit and have all that culture at his fingertips.

Which is great.  I don’t blame him.  But it’s hella expensive. And they don’t have requirements for English, Math, Science, etc. so none of those credits will transfer.  He’ll have to do at least three more years of school (probably 4) and work at the same time, because I doubt he’ll get any type of financial aid other than loans.  We can’t help him because we suck at money and have been bleeding $$ for the last two years anyway.

So when he graduates he will do so with a mountain of debt, no savings, and a degree that’s only good in California, Florida, Chicago or New York.  (They say they have a 92% placement rate but I know of three people who’ve graduated such schools and are not working in their field.)

Husband is not happy.  He yells at me about it.  I tell him to talk to Boy.  Boy seems to have thought all of this through.  Still wants to go.  And I don’t blame him.  I wish I had gone somewhere with a dorm away from my parents and all their drama.  Plus there is a possibility he could meet like-minded people and make friends.  Even female friends.

Then there’s my job.  Which I don’t really enjoy all that much anymore.  (I think it’s working as a whole I don’t like, but whatever.)

And my efforts to make my life more exciting have fallen back to all of my bad habits.  Since my illness, all I want to do is sleep.

In my head, I feel like I need more time for creativity.  But I know that I have the time.  I’m just not using it for that.

For my birthday, I would love to go away for the weekend.  All alone.  And see if all I need is a time-out from my life.

Shit.  Why doesn’t this get any easier.  Why aren’t there answers.

It’s WFH Wednesday!

I’ve been feeling pretty good lately.  I think there are several reasons for this.

  1. I’ve attended two Support Group meetings and it makes all the difference in the world to be able to sit with other cancer survivors and talk about what’s bothering us.   We’re patient with each other and everyone has a different story to tell.  I didn’t go this week because it was Husband’s birthday and I wanted to make him dinner.  But that’s how it works.  People come and go as needed.
  2. Spring is here.  Even April snow showers haven’t defeated it.  Last weekend was beautiful.  The birds are chirping.  Flowers are blooming.  The ice cream truck comes around.  It’s wonderful. A couple weeks ago I went on an impromptu walk with Bestie. Last Friday it was in the 70s and I spent the evening sharing margaritas and pizza with a good friend on their deck.  We stayed out even after dark with the help of her gas fire pit.  (Although it’s a little nippy when that sun goes down.)
  3. I booked a flight to visit the kids in Arizona.  I’ve been missing them so much.  All of them.  And the Nugget is growing so fast.  I can’t stand the thought of her walking around and my not seeing it.   A more intelligent person would have put it off to build up the savings first, but screw it.  It was making me too unhappy.
  4. Work is going well since I decided not to worry about being promoted.  It’s been nice to sit back and sigh and do the work that’s assigned to me.  And leave on time.  My mind is clearer.  I’m able to do my job better.  Lather, rinse, repeat until this lesson sinks in.
  5. I’ve been drinking lemon water.   A friend suggested it for my reflux.  She said it really helps her.  Since my insurance no longer pays for the script I was taking and I cannot afford to buy that much OTC meds, it thought it would have been a nice alternative.  It’s actually working pretty well.  I can still tell when I’ve been eating too much spicy, acidic foods, but I don’t wake up at night with my throat on fire.  Plus I’m pushing the water which makes everything else work better.
  6. I found a new PCP doctor.   He came recommended by a friend and gets good reviews online.  So when I saw her Saturday I asked how long the wait was and she said she hardly ever waits more than 15 minutes.   I haven’t made an appointment yet because I want to get my blood work on file first.  Then make the appointment.  Then do the insurance company thing.

Who knows, maybe this weekend we’ll even make it to the dog park.  Bobo would really like that.

Progress Not Perfection

So much for keeping up to date.  It’s been a crazy busy month.  But I like it.

I took my mother to Frankenmuth for her birthday at her request.  It was a nice trip and a long day.  We left at 9am and met the boys back here for dinner at 5pm.  I think it was 8pm when I dropped her off.  That’s a lot of having my arm slapped every time she thought of something new to tell me.  But it was worth it to see her enjoying herself.  And she’s becoming so frail.  More and more I notice it.  I think it frightens us both.

I haven’t been doing as well on the weight loss front as I’d like.  These meds are making me so tired.  Or maybe it’s the fat and lack of exercise that are making me so tired.  I’m trying to do better and am, a little.  Been keeping better hours at work. Been pushing the plate away a little more.

This week has been an interesting one.  Around the holidays I notice a lump in my right “breast”.   When I saw my Oncologist we agreed I should have an ultrasound and see my Surgeon to have a look, but since I have no actual breast tissue and my recurrence numbers are so low, it was most likely nothing.   Both the Ultrasound Tech (Anne, who is wonderful, but who I should not know as well as I do) and the Radiologist thought it was nothing, but wanted my Surgeon to look at it to be sure.  And my Surgeon thought it was nothing but wanted a biopsy to prove it.  I had the biopsy on Monday and I could tell by everyone’s attitude it was nothing.  I got the call from my Surgeon this morning telling me so.

So all is well and good. Except this every six months panic was one of the things I was trying to avoid with the mastectomy.  And the lump I’m feeling is a lymph node that is fine now, but they want to keep an eye on it.  Which means it’s going to be in the back of my head for six months.

I attended my first support group meeting last night.  I’ve rearranged my day working from home to accommodate my needs, for a change.  It was a very small meeting, which was great for me.   The facilitator is very warm and inviting and the three members I met were very open with their stories.

One woman went through two years before she got a diagnosis and each doctor kept telling her there was a 1%  chance that it was any kind of cancer and it was absolutely just a benign tumor.  For two years.  And not only was it cancer, it was a type of cancer for which there is no treatment and almost always recurs. She’s two and a half years out but will have to have period scans for the rest of her life and each time the probability of her having a recurrence increases.

That’s the part that I need help with.  The fact that no matter how many doctors tell me it won’t come back, I won’t ever believe them.

But it also means that I am determined – no matter how many times I have to start over – to not let my job interfere with my health and to rid myself of some of the bad habits I’ve let myself return to in the last year.   And I’m trying to balance kindness to others with kindness to myself.

It’s a work in progress.

Me & My Meds

This weekend was so full of ups and downs, I felt like I was on a teeter totter!

I ran out of my meds a couple of weeks ago.  I don’t know why.  I would have thought the script would have covered me until my next visit, but that’s not the case.  Either the doctor or the pharmacy screwed something up.   I called my Dr. last week to get a new script called in, but she hasn’t managed to do that yet.  (I just called and it’s been approved by the Dr. but not called in yet. Grrr.)

So, being unmedicated has my moods swinging and if it goes much longer, I’ll either need a new job or a new husband.

It isn’t that it makes me irrational, it just brings up the things that I’ve tamped down.

Over the weekend I had both some great together time with the Husband and a stupid fight.  Complete with yelling and throwing things by yours truly.  The argument was more about his madness than mine, but normally, I over look it and kind of zone out.  The problem is his, not mine.  His constant negativity is killing me.  He’s taken to complaining about Monday’s work on Friday at 5pm now.   He’s done it twice just as soon as I come in the door on Friday.  I don’t understand it.  I hate Monday’s, too, but I don’t usually get down on them until Sunday night.

But Sunday was a nice day.  Pretty and full of exercise.  I was exhausted last night while working on my art journal, but as soon as I put my head down, I just kept a steady stream of horrible thoughts going.  The last time I looked at the clock it was 3:30 am and I decided I would work from home so I wouldn’t have to worry about driving while so tired.   And I also wouldn’t have to worry about my tired-trigger making me lose my job.

Speaking of the Art Journal, I’m enjoying it.  I’m trying to use little bits and pieces of time to add to it.  Like when I’ve been away all day, I usually drop my coat and shoes near my craft table, so I will spend a few minutes doing things.  Last night I spent all my TV time cutting out shapes to use as masks and templates.  I’m still tending to use her examples, but I think I’ll branch out soon.  It feels good to get back into the creative swing of things.

Well, I’m starving, so I’m off for lunch.

Inky Fingers

Sunday was March 1st.   March is my month of creativity.  My month of fun.  My month of doing what needs to be done for me.  My month of not worrying about other people “missing” me while I take some time to completely immerse myself in play.

Sunday was my class with Dyan Reavely.  She taught us her methods for Art Journaling.  I have always loved her work.  It’s all about bold color backgrounds and black and white graphics on top.  She’s like a rock star, herself.  She dresses like a punk-pinup with clown-red long, beautiful hair and beautifully tattooed arms.  And she’s a grandmother.  Easily my age.  I love her way of being herself and not even worrying about people caring.

The class was odd for a “craft class”.  Since art is such a solitary thing, I always find it interesting when a group of artists/crafters get together.  It’s like, “Oooh!  There’s more of me!” and we all start chatting like we haven’t seen another human in years. (If you’ve hesitated doing something like this, I recommend it.  I’ve met some of my favorite people in this environment.) But Dyan has issues.  She has ADD and OCD and some sort of hearing issues and she cannot have distractions.  It’s kind of like being in 3rd grade again.  She asked us to be completely quiet and not doing anything until she tells us to. She cautioned us not to work ahead, since the sound of turning pages could distract her and throw her off track.  She told us someone whispering in the back of the room could distract her.  She used the “Tell It, Show it, Do it” method.

Anywho….I enjoyed the class and even though I don’t seem to quite have her techniques down, it’s made me break out some tools I haven’t used before and that’s good news!

I also went to the Yoga class at Gilda’s Club.  THAT WAS AMAZING!

The class was just what I thought it would be: a room full of middle aged women.  There was one man, but it was mostly women my age.  The teacher did not look like what you’d picture a Yogi to look.   She was just as dowdy and lumpy as I.  I started out very stiff and the muscles in my back ached just from sitting on the floor.   But by the end of the class, I was a big sweaty mess and my back didn’t hurt at all.

She complemented me on following so well since it was my first class.  I wasn’t a genius.  It just turned out that the stretches I’ve been using to relieve my neuropathy happen to be Yoga poses.  Who knew?  It gave me such a rush.  And that rush lasted all day on Friday.  Which was good because Friday was a long, long day.

There are a couple of things I’ll do different next time.  I’ll bring a towel and some water.  I’ll pull my hair back.  I’ll clean off my makeup.   And I’ll need something to save my knees.  That’s the only pain that lingers.  My knees appear to be the only part of my body that is low on cushioning fat.  And I do want to go back.  (Next month, when I am not quite so heavily scheduled, I want to try one of the groups.  For now, the Yoga is enough.)

We had a company meeting Friday.  There is nothing to suck the productivity out of a workday than a 3-hour meeting detailing how last year really sucked.  I was not surprised.  We spent way too much time on projects that didn’t end up gaining us much revenue.  That knowledge and the fact that our President keeps running around asking if we can bill for our projects yet kind of sealed the deal.   But it makes me angry that my Director lied to me about my promotion.  Instead of just saying, “We can’t afford to promote you this year”, he made me think it was something I was doing wrong to be asking.  That makes me not want to trust him.  It also makes me angry that he thinks I only care about money.  I wanted the promotion, not necessarily the cash. (I’ve had many jobs where promotions don’t necessarily come with raises.  Shit, The Husband got a promotion and we still haven’t made up the money he lost when he went salary.)

All in all, it’s helped me stop caring so much.  I want to do good work, but if they don’t respect me enough to tell me the truth, then I don’t see the need to make myself sick over anything.

I will finish up by being grateful for the weather.  Temps were above freezing yesterday for the first time in over a month.  There was sunshine and melting loveliness.   Today’s snow and sleet will not temper that in any way.  There is hope for spring.

Be lovely today!

Keeping On

Things are better.

It did me wonders to get out to see my Bestie and my favorites.

I’ve been calling my mom more often.  Checking in on her makes me feel better about the type of daughter I am.  When it snows.  When it’s super cold.  I call her and check on her.  When I’m going to the movies.  I ask her to go along.  It’s better.  I still get annoyed.  But it’s better.

I went to the meeting at Gilda’s Club and I want to attend some of the groups, but the times are all either too early or two late.  I didn’t go to Yoga last week, so I hope to go tomorrow.  I bought special clothes.  I should go.

I’ve been trying to get out of work earlier lately.  And it’s been pretty effective.  Up until this week anyway.  This week has been all screwed up.  But I’m trying.  And when I’m working late, I’m trying to make sure it’s because I want to accomplish something to make myself feel better and not because it will make someone else feel better.

I am slowly – very slowly – making improvements to the way I eat.  I don’t have any candy in the house right now. I bought fruit.  I bought some vegetables.   I ate some of them.  It’s a start.

I feel better.  And it’s almost March.  March is a month I can deal with.  February is not.  I hate February.

And March has many wonderful things in it.  My class with Dyan Reavley (this Sunday!).  Scrapbook Camp.  Utefest.

It’s going to be amazing.  Just wait.

TUESDAY IS ME-DAY

The last week has been pretty productive in my journey to a saner me.

I had a frustrating call with my mother regarding snow removal that ended in me deciding she’d be a lot less frustrating to me if I were just a better daughter and called her when I know she could use some help instead of waiting for her to ask me for it.  Cause she won’t and she’ll try to do things herself and she’ll end up hurting herself.  And then I get mad.  Which is silly.  Just a phone call a couple of times a week, and when it’s extra snowy, and when it’s extra cold, or there was a horrible storm that maybe knocked her power out…and things will be better.  It won’t make her any less self-involved, but it will make me feel better about what kind of daughter I am.

Last Tuesday, I saw a therapist.  She wrote furiously as I told her about my history and my stress and my health.  Then she suggested I see her weekly.  Which would be fine if I were rich, but I’m not.  My insurance has a $1500 deductible for mental health that is separate from the $2000 deductible that applies to all my other doctors.  And the visits are $100 each.  So, that’s not going to happen. Finances are one of my stress issues, and I would much rather put any extra money toward tickets to visit our kids and granddaughter.

At work, I talked to my boss – informally – about how I just need to step back a little.  It’s obvious to me that the promotion he told me I’d be getting is just going to be put off and put off.  My tension over this has backfired, causing me to be the kind of complaining, whining, difficult employee I hate.  So, if I haven’t already shot myself in the foot, backing off is going to be the only way to handle this.  I just need to go back to working and not fighting against all of the things I would do different.

I’ve proven to myself that longer hours don’t make me more effective, either.  (Some lessons need to be learned over and over and over.)  I worked 11 hours straight last week on a problem.  When I made it worse for the umpteenth time, I put my computer away and went home.  After a pretty good night’s sleep, I went back into the office and resolved 90% of my problem in an hour.  Ugh.  But the simple act of putting my computer in my desk instead of taking it home with me allowed me to decompress and come back refreshed.  We’re not technically on call in our office, but there’s more 24 x 7 communication than makes me comfortable.  So I’ve taken to shutting down the office one night a week.  Making it so I couldn’t work if I wanted to and thus keeping the wheels from turning in my head all night.

I’ve also decided that Tuesdays – my work from home day – is going to be my scheduled Me-Day!  I’m going to use it to catch up on my personal things and take a step back from the pressure at work.  Don’t get me wrong – I will work.  I just will spend some of that time multi-tasking in ways that make me feel better.

I’m going on Thursday to a new member meeting at Gilda’s Club.   It looks like it may be interesting and a way for me to connect with other people and get support for my post cancer issues.  It may be nice.  It may be not.  I’m just going to keep exploring things that may make me feel better until something sticks.

It’s improving.  Day by Day.