Still Climbing

My many attempts to climb out of this funk have had a 50/50 success rate.

This weekend, I went to an event that I didn’t want to go to.  I had asked Husband if I could just skip it, but he thought I should really go.  These are the people in my life I feel awkward around.  These are the cool kids and I am the giant girl with giant boobs in the overalls with the frizzy hair.  I was just not feeling it.  Somehow I had convinced myself that if I stayed home I would do something other than watch TV, play video games, and nap. (HA!)  But I went.

First we got up early, got breakfast and went to the grocery, like we do every Saturday.  Then I had an appointment to get my haircut where I made my hairdresser give me bangs.  Next time, I’m going to make her give me better bangs.  (It’s a little difficult to style as the short bangs keep getting mixed up with the longer parts.  But I like not having to wipe my hair away from my face.)

Then we headed out to event:  A tailgate with Husbands friends for his buds birthday celebration and then the game after.  I still didn’t want to go, but the weather was pretty perfect for me (70-ish and overcast), plus bangs.  I was feeling better about it.  I was surprised by the number of people there.  Last year, this same event had far fewer women and the tailgating consisted of beers and the one bag of chips and dip we brought.  This year it was a full on tailgate with chili dogs and vodka spike fruit salad and subs and cupcakes.  And it was fun to see everyone.  I met some new people.  It was great.

A few things happened that had me frustrated, though.

  1. The event fell on a week where I got paid on Monday after the week Husband didn’t get paid.  And we were extremely short of fun money after paying more medical bills.
  2. The parking, which Husband said would be $10 turned out to be $15.
  3. I felt stupid that we were the only ones there without food to share.  I don’t think anyone else cared, but I did.
  4. The tickets that Husband told me were “free” cost $40, which had to be forked over to the birthday boy in cash.  Thank goodness I had done an ATM.
  5. I had left my sunglasses at home (overcast, remember) and as soon as we got situated at the game, the sun came out in full force.  My face, head and eyes were non too happy about that yesterday.  Today only my nose is complaining.

And an interesting thing happened to me.  I was having a conversation with one of the ladies.  She not being one to hold back on anything, asked me when I was getting my implants.

HA!

Boy, she was surprised when I said I already had them.  And they were supposed to be D cups.

She’d had breast reduction surgery a few years ago, so I knew she was being sincere. And I told her the truth.  I’m not happy with them.  Which is the first time I’ve said that out load.  I’m especially not happy with them since gaining my weight back, but I wasn’t happy with them in the first place.

I think I was so intimidated by Dr. Plastic and so ready to just have it be OVER already, I didn’t want to say I wasn’t a satisfied customer.  And he didn’t offer any kind of follow up – which I find a little odd.  Not that I wanted any more surgery then, nor do I in the near future.  But someday I might.

And I’ve decided it’s not selfish or whiney to feel like I didn’t get what I want.  It doesn’t mean I made the wrong choice, either.  It just means I had the wrong surgeon.  Because he either didn’t explain it to me correctly or didn’t do what he was supposed to do.

It made me feel a little better to have circled in on one of the things that are bothering me.

————————————————————————————————————————————————————

Today I’ve had some time at work, so I did some research on Bariatric Surgery.

I’ve often said I wasn’t a good candidate for surgery, but I’m feeling desperate.  I like what I read about the program at my hospital.  There is a lot of pre-counseling and information and a lot of aftercare.  I was a little surprised that the hospital stay was 2-4 days.  (I hate staying at the hospital.  It’s impossible to sleep and so boring.)  And I did confirm the side-effects – one of which is loss of hair.  And you know how I feel about my hair.

Still, I was all set to call about their information seminar, when I thought I should research the cost a little bit.  I already know that my insurance will pay 50% of one surgery per lifetime.  I thought if the surgery were as much as $4,000.00 even, I could swing that.  But nooooooooooooo!.  The surgery runs between $25-50,000.00.  And I’m assuming that covers all the therapy, follow up, groups, etc.

So that put a pin in my balloon.  No way I can do that.  No way.  No how.

I guess I’m just going to have to do this the old fashioned way.

Time to suck it up, buttercup.

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