Me & My Meds

This weekend was so full of ups and downs, I felt like I was on a teeter totter!

I ran out of my meds a couple of weeks ago.  I don’t know why.  I would have thought the script would have covered me until my next visit, but that’s not the case.  Either the doctor or the pharmacy screwed something up.   I called my Dr. last week to get a new script called in, but she hasn’t managed to do that yet.  (I just called and it’s been approved by the Dr. but not called in yet. Grrr.)

So, being unmedicated has my moods swinging and if it goes much longer, I’ll either need a new job or a new husband.

It isn’t that it makes me irrational, it just brings up the things that I’ve tamped down.

Over the weekend I had both some great together time with the Husband and a stupid fight.  Complete with yelling and throwing things by yours truly.  The argument was more about his madness than mine, but normally, I over look it and kind of zone out.  The problem is his, not mine.  His constant negativity is killing me.  He’s taken to complaining about Monday’s work on Friday at 5pm now.   He’s done it twice just as soon as I come in the door on Friday.  I don’t understand it.  I hate Monday’s, too, but I don’t usually get down on them until Sunday night.

But Sunday was a nice day.  Pretty and full of exercise.  I was exhausted last night while working on my art journal, but as soon as I put my head down, I just kept a steady stream of horrible thoughts going.  The last time I looked at the clock it was 3:30 am and I decided I would work from home so I wouldn’t have to worry about driving while so tired.   And I also wouldn’t have to worry about my tired-trigger making me lose my job.

Speaking of the Art Journal, I’m enjoying it.  I’m trying to use little bits and pieces of time to add to it.  Like when I’ve been away all day, I usually drop my coat and shoes near my craft table, so I will spend a few minutes doing things.  Last night I spent all my TV time cutting out shapes to use as masks and templates.  I’m still tending to use her examples, but I think I’ll branch out soon.  It feels good to get back into the creative swing of things.

Well, I’m starving, so I’m off for lunch.

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Inky Fingers

Sunday was March 1st.   March is my month of creativity.  My month of fun.  My month of doing what needs to be done for me.  My month of not worrying about other people “missing” me while I take some time to completely immerse myself in play.

Sunday was my class with Dyan Reavely.  She taught us her methods for Art Journaling.  I have always loved her work.  It’s all about bold color backgrounds and black and white graphics on top.  She’s like a rock star, herself.  She dresses like a punk-pinup with clown-red long, beautiful hair and beautifully tattooed arms.  And she’s a grandmother.  Easily my age.  I love her way of being herself and not even worrying about people caring.

The class was odd for a “craft class”.  Since art is such a solitary thing, I always find it interesting when a group of artists/crafters get together.  It’s like, “Oooh!  There’s more of me!” and we all start chatting like we haven’t seen another human in years. (If you’ve hesitated doing something like this, I recommend it.  I’ve met some of my favorite people in this environment.) But Dyan has issues.  She has ADD and OCD and some sort of hearing issues and she cannot have distractions.  It’s kind of like being in 3rd grade again.  She asked us to be completely quiet and not doing anything until she tells us to. She cautioned us not to work ahead, since the sound of turning pages could distract her and throw her off track.  She told us someone whispering in the back of the room could distract her.  She used the “Tell It, Show it, Do it” method.

Anywho….I enjoyed the class and even though I don’t seem to quite have her techniques down, it’s made me break out some tools I haven’t used before and that’s good news!

I also went to the Yoga class at Gilda’s Club.  THAT WAS AMAZING!

The class was just what I thought it would be: a room full of middle aged women.  There was one man, but it was mostly women my age.  The teacher did not look like what you’d picture a Yogi to look.   She was just as dowdy and lumpy as I.  I started out very stiff and the muscles in my back ached just from sitting on the floor.   But by the end of the class, I was a big sweaty mess and my back didn’t hurt at all.

She complemented me on following so well since it was my first class.  I wasn’t a genius.  It just turned out that the stretches I’ve been using to relieve my neuropathy happen to be Yoga poses.  Who knew?  It gave me such a rush.  And that rush lasted all day on Friday.  Which was good because Friday was a long, long day.

There are a couple of things I’ll do different next time.  I’ll bring a towel and some water.  I’ll pull my hair back.  I’ll clean off my makeup.   And I’ll need something to save my knees.  That’s the only pain that lingers.  My knees appear to be the only part of my body that is low on cushioning fat.  And I do want to go back.  (Next month, when I am not quite so heavily scheduled, I want to try one of the groups.  For now, the Yoga is enough.)

We had a company meeting Friday.  There is nothing to suck the productivity out of a workday than a 3-hour meeting detailing how last year really sucked.  I was not surprised.  We spent way too much time on projects that didn’t end up gaining us much revenue.  That knowledge and the fact that our President keeps running around asking if we can bill for our projects yet kind of sealed the deal.   But it makes me angry that my Director lied to me about my promotion.  Instead of just saying, “We can’t afford to promote you this year”, he made me think it was something I was doing wrong to be asking.  That makes me not want to trust him.  It also makes me angry that he thinks I only care about money.  I wanted the promotion, not necessarily the cash. (I’ve had many jobs where promotions don’t necessarily come with raises.  Shit, The Husband got a promotion and we still haven’t made up the money he lost when he went salary.)

All in all, it’s helped me stop caring so much.  I want to do good work, but if they don’t respect me enough to tell me the truth, then I don’t see the need to make myself sick over anything.

I will finish up by being grateful for the weather.  Temps were above freezing yesterday for the first time in over a month.  There was sunshine and melting loveliness.   Today’s snow and sleet will not temper that in any way.  There is hope for spring.

Be lovely today!