Time and It’s (Mis) Uses

Yesterday the entire Mitten was under a cloud of blue – snow as indicated by Weatherbug.  It never stopped snowing all day.  It started out looking like it would be underwhelming since the snow was very fine.  But we did end up with over a foot in the end.  Poor Husband.  He gets so upset about these things that are outside his control.  I was disappointed, too, as I had plans to have lunch with friends.  I am missing my much-needed girl time.  It happens in the winter months. And if all else fails, I will see a lot of them in March.   Instead of pissing and moaning, though, I read a few magazines and did 30 crosswords.  I ticked another movie off my Oscar list via thanks to HBO and tried out a new series.  I spent the day in unconstrictive clothing, slept in and took a nap.

It was a pretty awesome day.

Today – as it turns out – is a vacation day for me.   I’ve been struggling at work.  A lot.  I’ve become angry and resentful of the way things are going.  It shows in my attitude too much.  So much that Boss Man has taken to sending me patronizing messages when we have a “productive conversation”.  (They’d all be productive if he’d do things right.)  Seriously, the problem is me.  I’m not able to focus.  I’m exhausted. My eyes seem to roll on their own.  It’s not only coming across to the staff but to the customers.  So it’s time to get my shit together.

Today turned out to be the perfect day to do that.  Husband and Boy are both working all day so I have no distractions but my own. I got up near my usual time.  I’ve been enjoying the quiet all morning.  I’ve had a big cup of coffee.  I’ve caught up on facebook. I deleted all of the games from my phone and left my crossword book downstairs.  When I finish this entry, I’m going to get dressed and start checking things off my list!

  • I have phone calls to make.  Some that I’ve been putting off for a while.  Some that I’ve been planning to make for a couple of weeks but just haven’t made the time.
  • I’m going to set up an eye appointment with my friend’s work.  I feel like being able to see out of both eyes would go a long way toward lessening this horrible fatigue.  I know it would help with the headaches.
  • I’m going to call my Dr. and ask for a hormone level check for my Oncologist.  If I’m past menopause, we can put me on another cancer med that will allow me to go back to my previous sanity cocktail.
  • I’m going to call my insurance company and ask what is required to see a therapist.  I didn’t want to spend the money previously, but now it just may be necessary.
  • When I do all of that, I’m going to reward myself by signing up for a class (or two) with an Artist I admire.  Something I haven’t done in ages and I really miss.
  • I’m going to go through all my “weight loss” bag and see if I can get my mojo running.
  • After all of that, I’m going to make dinner for my family and do the dishes while the Husband shovels.

It is all about the mojo, people.   I have been wasting so much time just sitting around and using my brain to get to another level of a game or do another crossword puzzle.  It’s insane.  I know how this works.  You have to spend energy to make energy.

I haven’t been doing as well as I’d like with changing my habits.  I did give up soda, but it took weeks longer than I planned.   Giving up soda has curbed my fast food visits again, as well. One bonus thing that happened:  My insurance company stopped paying for my GERD pills.  I worry because I know Acid Reflux is very bad, but I haven’t had the problems with it I thought i would.  Instead, I’ve found that I feel full faster.  And I seem to have less urge to continue to eat once I feel full.  It’s helping me push away the plate now and then.  I’ve also been trying to stop at one nighttime snack.  (This one is a particularly hard habit to break.  And I’ll always be a little mad at Husband for getting me started so long ago.)  And I didn’t by any more SweetTart Hearts!!

I’m being quite conscious of the way I feel while I make these changes.  I need to get back to the person I want to be.  I need to use the time I have to do that.


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