NEW DAY; NEW DIET

My friend emailed me with some pretty fair flight arrangements for out trip to NYC in August.  First class tickets!  Whoo!  I can afford to splurge because she is footing the hotel bill.  I’m so excited.  And the trip is only a couple of months away now.

Months that will fly by, I’m sure.

: )

1. I find myself unusually emotional these days.  Went with my friend to see Sex/City yesterday and found myself tearing up a couple of times.  Considering that I didn’t even get into the show until it was syndicated, I surprised myself.
2. My procedure went fine.  I’m not that crazy about the aftermath, and I’m wondering if it has anything to do with number 1 above, but it was over in a minute and without serious complication.  I slept all day Wednesday and took Thursday off just to lay around and feel crampy.  Friday I was back to work, couldn’t sleep half the night, then slept all day Saturday to recover.  Bizarre.  I’m supposed to follow up next week and we’ll talk about the next steps.  (Poor husband.  Dr. kept trying to explain things to him and he could not avert his attention fast enough.)
3. I’ve noticed a change in Husband’s attitude lately and he confirmed that he is, indeed, working on  it.  Which is good, I guess.  Harmony is always good.
4. The worst thing about my life right now?  All of the things I know I should be doing, but don’t do, and don’t want to do, but still feel bad about not doing.
5. I’m still chugging through my latest crossword puzzle book.  I don’t know why I find this so addicting, especially since I cheat a good share of the time.  I think I just like the idea of writing.
6. I should be happy.  Every day.  I have everything I could possibly need, most of what I could possibly want, and a lot more than most.  I wish I knew why, then, I feel so overwhelmed every day.
7. Trying to help the Boy get used to looking for summer jobs.  A futile effort at best this year, I’m afraid.  He’s going to be in competition with some more mature job seekers.  I feel bad that he’s so nervous and wish that Husband would help more with this, but I think he’s tied up with his own stuff.

That’s it for now.  Random thoughts pinned down by numbers.

Children, most specifically those between 12 and 17, can be quite mean.   I once thought this was a natural progression in a person’s development.  Probably, this is what explains my actual surprise and delight when people are nice.  Especially in the service industry.  But raising my own teenager (or standing around and watching him grow, which is closer to the truth) has led me to believe that children are probably taught to be mean.

Boy came home yesterday upset about his day.  More frustrated than upset, I guess.  He had experienced what I experienced every day of my Freshman semester of Phys. Ed.   He couldn’t do what the other kids were doing so they singled him out and tore him to pieces.  “Like I wasn’t even standing right there, Mom!”  He almost had a melt down and what was more embarassing to him was that our family friend - who also happens to be the VP - was there to witness it.  (Doesn’t that guy have a job?  Why is always witness to my kids gym wedgie?)

Now, the difference between my kid and I, is that I never, ever took Phys. Ed. again and it would be a good 10 years before the warm support of my friends made me aware that sports can be fun - even if you’re not that good at them - when people are laughing with you instead of at you.  (And, of course, when you’re able to laugh at yourself.)  On the other hand, this is the fourth Phys. Ed. class Boy has taken.  I’m not sure if he’s doing it because his father thinks he should (he thinks it should be a requirement) or if it’s a part of his day where he doesn’t have to study much.   I’m pretty sure it’s the latter.  He misses recess a lot.

Then he broke my heart with this:  “Why don’t friendships really exist like they do on TV?”

I could have cried, because I didn’t know what to tell him.  As much of a geek as I thought I was and as humiliating an experience as high school was for me, I would never have gotten through it without my friends.  I was not a popular kid.  I was not the type of kid who goes and goes and goes and is over-involved.  But I always had a couple of “best friends” that I could talk to about nothing and everything.  The few periods where I didn’t have that?  Those were dark days, indeed.

So how do I tell a kid that is handsome and smart and funny and sweet that he just needs to wait this out, because somewhere down the road it’s all going to change?

I finally found the group of missing pictures from our weekend.  They are uploaded to my flickr account and include the following:

1. The total hilarity of the “Wild Animal Safari”.  I was adamant about going here until I realized that a safari usually includes something more entertaining than moose, bison, deer and alpaca.  It funny and sort of sad at the same time.
2. The Marblehead lighthouse.  There’s a great view of Cedar Point from the grounds.  Beautifully kept and gorgeous shoreline full of jagged rocks and twisted trees.
3. Cheesehaven!  88 kinds of cheese!  Candy, meats, wine and hotsauce!  We came away with a huge block of 3-year-old cheddar.  Yum.

I have to admit, this has been one of the more enjoyable weekend trips we’ve taken.  Maybe it’s because we’ve had such a rough year, we’re just grateful for the time to be together and enjoy things like…cheese!

Here I am, back at work. 

We take turns covering the holidays that are not observed in Canada and this today was my turn!  (Fear not, I had Friday off, so it was still a long weekend!)  I pretty much covered everything that needed to be done by 10 am.    Work will trickle in for the next couple of hours - I’m here till 1 pm - but nothing extraordinary is going to happen.  Which is why I usually don’t mind working these few holidays in the first place.

I had grand plans to spend tomorrow - with Husband back and work and Boy back at school - enjoying a peaceful comp day on my own.  Due to the surgery, I guess that will have to be rescheduled.  Sucks.  Looking forward to the day I can take time off that doesn’t involve some type of medical procedure.

Our trip, though, was wonderful.  Husband and I spent three days together and didn’t get into one fight.  As a matter of fact, there were only a couple of tense moments and those were mostly because of me being hungry/tired/frustrated.  Husband has a bad habit of trying to guess what it is that I want instead of listening to what I’m actually saying, which can get me pretty pissy after about ten minutes of going in verbal circles.  We’re better though.  I’ve learned to recognize it and put the breaks on before it gets too major.  (If only he would learn to say what he actually means…) 

We spent the weekend on the Lake Erie shore.  Port Clinton, Ohio is what you might expect from a little fishing village.  They were having their annual Walleye Festival this weekend, which led to a lot of loud rowdyness and wonderful smells eminating from the fairgrounds across from our hotel, but it didn’t bother us much.  We were so tired, we hardly noticed.  (Can’t say the same for the person upstairs apparently trying to break the Guiness record for pacing.) 

From Port Clinton, we took the express ferry to Put-In-Bay, on South Bass Island.  This place is famous for being Commadore Perry’s battlestation in the War of 1812 and being party central to all the good girls, boys, and middle-aged yachters that come there in droves.  (To give you an idea, we left on the 7:15 pm ferry and there were more people coming to the island than leaving…)  The landscape of the bay kind of goes bar, bar, bar, tacky tourist shop, bar, bar, bar, tee-shirt store, bar, bar,…  You get the picture.

Which makes it a great place for Husband, don’t you think?

We spent most of our time away from the bay, though, zipping around on our little golf cart.  We enjoyed the butterfly house a lot; Perry’s cave, not so much.  (I hadn’t realized I wouldn’t be able to stand up, at all!)  We toured the grounds of the South Bass Light, which is not open for the season, yet.  We took the historical tour, which turns out to be based more in “legend” than truth, and played half a round of mini-golf before the crowds got to much for me.

Since we woke early, we decided to have breakfast on the island and I enjoyed the most wonderful, fluffy, eggs with spinach and pesto at a bistro on the water.  The place was a little fancier than we normally do for breakfast, but the atmosphere was almost as wonderful as the food, from the attention of the identical mid-european waitresses to the lightly playing Michael Buble soundtrack.

Lunch was a little more of a problem.  It was later than I usually like to eat, so I was cranky, and by mid-afternoon all the partiers were already in full swing.  Husband finally steered us toward a “bar and grill” with beautiful woodwork and what appeared to be one of the few draft beer selections on the bay.  Again, the menu was a little pricey but the food and atmosphere made it well worth it.

Later in the day, Husband hung out at a pub called “The Goat” (”Soup and Whisky” are served according to the sign) while I perused the Chocolate museum and enjoyed some ice cream on the patio downstairs.  (I kind of wished we were hungry enough for dinner, because their menu looked like it might be unusual, but I had been promised pizza back at the hotel and there’s nothing better than eating pizza in your pajamas.)

We enjoyed a drink back at our breakfast spot before jumping the ferry back to port.  Check out my pictures on flickr (just click the link).  Put-In-Bay is not necessarily the type of place I’d like to go back to, but it is someplace I would recommend for a visit.  (They have a bike path all around the island, two campgrounds, a vinyard, and almost every single bar has live music.)

After a quick stop at the Toledo Zoo on the way home (one we should have skipped, we were both too tired) we were safe in our nest with the Boy and the Dog by mid afternoon.

And back to getting on each other’s nevers shortly after that.  Hmmmm…

So, yesterday ‘Fred’ and I went to visit the Dr. with the nice wallpaper.  (Really, it’s this gold damask stuff that makes the room seem all warm and comfortable.  So warm in fact that my hindparts stuck to the paper they roll out on the exam table.)  (TMI?  Oh, we’re just getting started.)  After waiting half an hour in the waiting room and half an hour in the exam room (sans pants!), he came in and proceeded to try to do a biopsy of some cells in my interior regions.  Unfortunately, Dr. Wallpaper is the second person this year wearing a white coat to tell me that my anatomy is “challenging”.  He tried this way and that way and another way but just couldn’t get there.

So I get to go have a D&C, which is just great.  Another surgical proceedure.  I’ll again be visiting the fine staff at the AGC next Wednesday.  (Which also screws up my plans for a day off to myself on Tuesday! Urgh.)

I am not sure how to feel about this.  I went from a doctor who told me just about everything was “normal” and “probably nothing” to doctors who want to “fix” things.  With scapels and IVs.  I wonder if my insurance company thinks I’ve thrown a cog.  I wonder if I’ve thrown a cog myself.

In the good news, Dr. Wallpaper says ‘Fred’ is not the cause of my back/foot pain that makes me limp like my mother.  I guess that’s good news.  Cause unless the biopsy comes back bad - which he says it hardly ever does - we’ll probably just leave ‘Fred’ where he is.  (BTW - I misheard him.  “Fred’ is 6cm and not 14cm.)  What it also means, however, is that if my foot doesn’t get better I’m going to have to see another doctor.  (But I think I might have found a way to help it.  We’ll see.)

In other  - not so icky - news:

• my neck, back and hands hurt from sitting at this computer all day and working my tail off. 
• Two more days of work and then we’re off to the shore for our anniversary.  17 years!  And they said it wouldn’t last.  (Really, they said that.  A lot.)
• Boy got his glasses and looks so handsome I can’t stand it.  He’s enjoying being able to see.
• Boy caught a cold and passed it on to Husband.  Knock wood, I haven’t been inflicted yet.
• Dancing with the Stars ends tonight and the final round of singing takes place on AI.  (Please, tell me they’re smart enough to vote for David C., although it can’t really matter.)
• I’m making Ravioli and walking the dog tonight.  Both.

So I should get going.

Well, I just have to say how proud I am of my Boy.  He not only got his recognition for April’s Student of the Month award last night, but also and award for Outstanding Achievement in Social Studies.  (Something that had his Dad also beaming.)  Not bad for a kid they wanted to kick out of Kindergarten.  I was almost as tickled at the giant hugs we got afterward.  I have to say that’s one of my favorite things about the Boy.  He’s not afraid to hug his family in public.  (It might be adding to his Geek factor, but with two more years of High School left, I’d rather he have attributes that will serve him as an adult.)

It was funny watching these kids - all the underclassmen - go up for their awards.  There were the one or two showboaters, and the handful of overachievers (a 4.09 grade average?  Really?), but for the most part there were students getting subtle kudos like my kid.  A few looked embarassed that they had to participate in the fuss (hoodie-wearing, skinny-jeaned, Emos) but for the most part all the girls dressed alike (long peasant blouse over capri leggings with ballet flats/flip flops) and all the boys dressed alike (dress pants/kahki’s, dress shirt over tee and/or tie).  The girls were all twig thin and the boys were all tall and gangly - except the ones that were short and stocky and the ones getting the phys ed awards.  I thought often that I was glad I wasn’t competing with these girls in high school.  Jiminy, someone get that girl a cracker!

There was one standout boy.  A tall, long-haired blond wearing a short sleeved, pinstriped shirt - tails out - with a white tie over khaki board shorts and flip flops.  I leaned over to husband and said, “Spicoli?”.  Too funny.

Mercifully, it went quickly and wasn’t too boring.

This just in…

My foot is better today.  Yesterday I could barely walk and today I’m managing to limp only a little.  God, doesn’t it seem like I’m falling apart?  I don’t know whether the cause of the pain is a heel spur - something that plagues me sometimes - or “Fred” pressing on the nerve in my back.  I’m tending to think the latter only because it’s worse this week for no apparent reason and then better for no apparent reason.

I got my new glasses.  I was right when I thought there was a problem with my left after Lasik.  It was over corrected, so now I need glasses for reading and computer work.  And for looking cute.  The Boy still hasn’t had his come in yet and he was almost blind!  I’m kind of concerned… (But imagine what he can do when he can see!)

Trying to get Boy started on finding a job.  In past years that wouldn’t be too much of a problem.  We live in a pretty commercial area with lots of fast food eateries and stores about, but in the current economy he’ll be competing with adults trying to put food on the table and keep up their mortgages.  At least the soul-devouring process of applying for work will strengthen him.

Speaking of mortgages:  Yes, I did get spam from my last entry and, No, there will be no refi at this time.  It seems that the value of said home has fallen enough to make it impossible to reduce our monthly payment.  We’ll try again in about a year.  (At least this time I did the math before I paid the fees!  Der.) 

Okay.  It’s lunch time.  Must go.

This is the day.  The day of the month where if I weren’t on medication, I’d spend the entirety curled up in a ball on the bed mainlining macaroni and cheese.  Ugh.  (And, of course, the very knowledge of the existence of “Fred” means that I now feel the pain 10-fold.)  This is also the day where I totally misunderstand everything that comes out of my bosses mouth.  Mmmm-hmmm.  To the point where I just had to stuff a Jolly Rancher in my gob and call it a day rather than get into it with her as to whether or not she told me to do something or implied that I should do something.  (The latter, of course, being too complicated for my hormone-addled brain to figure out.)  It’s not just her, though, because when Husband answered an email with , “Yes”, I had to go back to him and state, “Yes, What?”  Because in my head I had asked him about four questions and in reality I had only asked one.

Oh, well!

Good things are happening.  Really.   To people who really, really deserve it.  And that makes me happy.

Speaking of happy… the whole clan is moseying over to the high school tomorrow night to watch my Boy get an award.  I don’t know what it’s for, but it seems like kind of a big deal.  I’m all tickled.  Better than that, he’s tickled! 

I was trolling the internet looking at mortgage rates.  I think it might be time to put the petal to the metal and refinance.  We’ve got this weird home equity loan that we need to wrap into our mortgage payment before too much longer or there will be a ginormous balloon payment due.  Can’t deal.  So we’ve been puttering around waiting for the rate to drop.  But the rate isn’t dropping nearly as fast as the value of our home, so I think now is the time.  One bank had a suggestion of a lower interest rate than what we’re paying now, with a payment just slightly higher, and a much shorter term.  That seems pretty attractive right now.  The only problem is if the payment continues to rise each year, like it has been, we’ll be screwed.

And, yes, I just realized that using the word mortgage has made a spam-magnet.

Oh, look.  Time to go sleep and eat.

I haven’t updated here in forever and I really can’t tell you why.  Maybe because the things that I want to rant about are trivial in comparison to the things that are going on in other people’s lives right now.  Maybe because when I’m in a good mood, I feel almost like I don’t deserve it in the face of what is going on in other people’s lives right now.

Maybe…I’m just bored of myself.

Regardless, I am updating today.

1. Mother’s Day was lovely.  The weather was a little on the crap side, but we had no solid plans for outdoor activities, so that was okay.  The four of us - what has now become our nucleus - went out to dinner at a new restaurant we’ve been meaning to try.  The food was wonderful, the prices excellent, but the atmosphere was not what we’d expected and the service was on the bad side of acceptable.  Nana and I decided we’d definately go back again, but I think the Husband was a strong, “No.”  I took Nana to see “Made of Honor” which was every bit exactly what I thought it was.  It held my attention, I guess, but the point is that she enjoyed it.
2. I missed the end of “Survivor” only because I still struggle with the fricken’ DVR.  I forgot that they announce the winner at the reunion show and that’s a separate listing in the schedule.  Duh!  Whatever, I guess, since that skank Parvarti won.  (Erik, Erik, Erik.  You are soooo naive!)
3. I’ve had a couple of stressful doctor’s appointments (this is called burying the lead) in the last few weeks.  One being the annual boob mashing exercises (which really hurt after all my surgeries on that one side).  I was extremely nervous about this one because I had feeling a lump for about a month, but it turned out to be benign.  (YAY!)  Apparently, this is going to make me nervous every spring for the rest of my life, I don’t know.  The other test was more invasive, embarassing, painful…the whole gamut, but we got the results immediately and found out that I have this giganitic uterine fibroid (HELLO!  TMI!).  For some reason this doesn’t worry me as much as it makes me go , “Hah!  I told you so!”  I would say I’ve had this thing for about 10 years and didn’t realize until recently that everyone doesn’t go through what I’ve been going through.  (Lesson to be learned:  If you’re not satisfied with your doctor, change!)  There is another test next Monday and then we discuss what to do about this thing.  (I think I’ve named it Fred, because looking at it on the ultrasound?  Bigger than my kid.) 
4. Husband is trying so hard to be his sweet self.  He’s really hating his job right now and he and I have had to go around about it a few times.  I appreciate his plight, but cannot abide coming home to someone in a foul, foul mood each and every night.  Something has to give.  His attitude seems to be that of someone hitting their head repeatedly against a wall.  I remember when I used to be like that about every little thing.  (Now I’m only like that about my weight!)   I recommend therapy and medication.  Or at least medication.

That’s it, I guess. I have a couple of friends going through horrors with their children.  Please keep them in your thoughts as they try to do the best they can.  I thank god every night that things continue to be wonderful with my Boy.  I don’t know why he is never sick and never in trouble, but I am grateful.  On the rare occasion that we do talk about it, I find he is aware and grateful, too, that he has a good situation to come home to every day.  What can make me more proud than that?

1. We’ve been kind of busy at work, which always affects my blogging capabilities.  Aside from that, I’ve been doing some off-line, hard copy journaling to try and corral some thoughts that are best kept to myself.
2. Still dealing with fallout from Grandma.  Who would know that someone’s death would have such never-ending ephemera attached to it?  (I just accidentally picked up the phone and dialed her phone number, so there’s the whole mental ephemera, too.)
3. I was pleased as punch last Friday when I got an email from someone at a regional magazine stating they were interested in using some of my photos…until I searched flickr and got over a thousand similar images.  Hmmm.  (Too big for your britches, much?)  I don’t think there would be money involved, but I’d feel pretty special if one of my shots was actually published.
4. Now that the flora are blooming (because Day-em, it is so gorgeous) I really need to get out and start clicking again.  I haven’t taken photos of anything but my great-niece in so long.
5. The high price of gas is actually starting to impact my life.  I don’t care for it.
6. The Husband turned 52 this week.  Don’t call him.  It makes him cranky and interrupts his “schedule” when people love him.  ; )
7. I have booked a fancy downtown hotel for me and Nana to go to Nashville in October. Never give me money cause I’ll just spend it all on travel and fancy hotels, I guess.
8. Speaking of which, since my birthday is on a Friday this year, I think I’m going to take my friend up on her offer to help me get a good deal on travel to NYC.  (But, see above.)
9. The Husband didn’t like my idea of getting me a tent for Mother’s Day.  Don’t you think a mother should get the thing she wants on Mother’s Day?  (Target has a great little tent for 30 dollars.  And it’s red!)
10. I finished my summer wardrobe shopping last night.  Tonight I plan to pack away all of my winter stuff and maybe donate some of the suits that have been cluttering up my closet since three jobs ago.  (Especially since I never plan to wear pantyhose again.)