The Other Stuff

The weight loss is going fine.  Slow and Steady.  Right on course.  I’m almost down to my low weight for the year, before the Horrible Jelly Bean Tequila Disaster.  That makes me feel pretty good, on the one hand, and fills me with dread on the other.  Because I have to step it up now.

But that’s not why I’m here, today.

Today, I’m here to talk about all the other shit.

The Budget:

I feel like I finally might be getting a handle on our budget.  At the very least, we’ll be back on track by the end of September.  I’ve been telling myself, “NO!” a lot.  I’ve been living off birthday gift cards, pre-purchased entertainment, etc.  I’ve been living without that one thing I was going to buy.  I’ve been believing that a slow-moving cashier is a sign from God that I don’t really need the whatever-it-was.

Last weekend, I rewarded myself with a trip to the Stamping/Scrapping stores where I picked up a buttload of Smash Journal supplies and a Hero Arts Stamp that I have been denying myself for about six months.  I used the money that we saved on groceries by buying – wait for it! – only the things we need!!!  Genius.  (Of course, that means this week will be twice as much because we have to stock the Mormon pantry again.  Feh.)

The Mother:

I have to be nicer to her.  She is enjoying her retirement.  She is a grown person who can spend her money and dress as she likes.  No matter how crazy it makes me.

The Son:

I don’t know what to do.  The damned kid never comes out of his room.  He’s perfectly happy to work five hours a week for an idiot manager and a greasy hamburger joint.  Why shouldn’t he be?  No one is making HIM buy his own gas, electricity, internet, clothes…you get the picture.  Unfortunately, I cannot yell at him.  It makes ME cry.

The Husband:

The real problem.

I don’t know what to do here.  I know it’s not me and at the same time I cannot help but think it IS me.  Right now, I am at a point in my life where I feel like I need to be more selfish with my time.  (I know, right?  How could I possibly be MORE selfish?)  I feel like I NEED to start working on me again, to get back to that person I used to love.  To get back to that girl who woke up EVERY DAY happy.

The sheer ugliness of his daily mood makes me feel like I’m a prisoner.  We’ve been going through this for 10 years.  It’s gotten progressively worse until now I feel like I must leave the house in order to escape it.  It isn’t enough to go to the office and try to hide inside my computer, because he follows me there and stands at the door way talking about how lonely he is downstairs.

So I stop doing what I’m doing and go downstairs.

So I can listen to him talk about how much he hates (insert random values here).  He doesn’t want to have a conversation, because when I’m talking he’s watching TV.  He just wants someone to listen to him rant about traffic/weather/people/sports/his god-awful job.  He is not interested in feedback.  He is not interested in making the situation better.  He is not interested in change.  As a matter of fact, he fears change so much, the slightest difference from one day to the next sends him straight over the edge.

Last night, it was the Tigers and the remote control that sent him raging.

How, how, how can you be pissed off about your favorite baseball team when they are FIVE GAMES ahead in their division?   How can you be sure that a 1-0 game in the bottom of the 6th inning is going to end in defeat?  (It didn’t! )

So then, he’s looking for another show to watch and can’t figure out the new remote for the new TV provider.  The one that I laid on top of the detailed diagram where it explains what each button does.  The one they have videos to watch that will explain how it works.  The one I’ve tried to explain how to operate numerous times.  (Of course, when a person is explaining that this red button is used to get to On Demand, it is helpful if you look at that person.)

Also, since all the buttons are labeled, then, yes, Darling.  It would be helpful if you had your glasses on.  It would also be helpful if you didn’t give up and throw things like a four-year-old when it takes a minute to figure something out.

It’s no accident that they use the Serenity Prayer in AA.  Cause, Dude, you SO need to learn to accept the things you cannot change and need the wisdom to know the difference.  (Hint:  Whether and traffic?  Totally not in your control.)

I would so rather have a messy house and weedy lawn and someone who loves me.

I have to go back to work.  Thanks for reading my rant.

Birthday Blog

I usually do a kind of “year in the life” post on my birthday, but this year I missed it, so here are some things I’ve learned:

• The most expensive moisturizer is not always the best.  Cetaphil is.
• If I use sunscreen consistently, I won’t get a sunburn.
• Summer is much easier to bear when my thyroid is under control.
• Stop putting off important medical things just because they are inconvenient. (See above.)
• Just because Weight Watchers isn’t working for me does not mean I should give up.
• Healthy food in = I feel better.
• I am not over-eating carbs, I’m over eating.  Period.
• I really like walking in the woods.
• I am not too stupid to earn a good living.  I just don’t work well for stupid people.

And these are the things I am grateful for:

• My health and that of my family – all of them.
• My friends.  Oh, my wonderful, wonderful friends.  All of them.
• My new job and my ability to do it well.
• My new boss, who is just too wonderful for words.
• Whatever force in the universe that keeps allowing us to have everything we need; most things we want; and just enough to get by.
• Imperfect parents, who brought me up the best way they knew how but always, always, always made sure I knew I was loved.
• Wendy’s for hiring my son and giving him time to catch on.  (Now, if you could just give him a few more hours…)
• Spark People.  Cause it is working for me.
• The Ford Motor Company who created my cute little “Space Ship” and let me lease it.
• My awesome neighbors who are wonderfully supportive and friendly without being all up in my business.
• My Bestie.  For being the best.
• My son, for staying in his room the last six years, so he didn’t get into any real trouble.
• AMC for finally getting that “Mad Men” thing worked out, although I’m a little ticked about the timing.
• Pilot, for making Frixion erasable gel pens and hi-lighters.  They are awesome.
• Everything.

Ninety Days

So…I haven’t talked about the job much.  This is a good thing, considering all of the drama from June.  But I had my 90 day review this afternoon and just thought I would share how peachy it went.   There was only a three point difference in our totals between the self evaluation and BossMan’s evaluation.

In other words, we both thought I was exceptional.  : )

The only thing we differed on that surprised me was Appearance.  REALLY?  Appearance?  Of course, I was all, “I think I’m cute; don’t you?” and he was all awkward with the, “I hate this category” and explaining that the only reason they have it on there is in case they have to tell someone they need to shower more often. We have only two types of women in the office, anyway:  Gorgeous, tiny, spike-heeled wearing goddesses and those of us that put on whatever goes with our black pants and isn’t dirty.  But like I told him – most days my socks match, there are no stains or holes cluttering up my “look”, and I look like I attempted some form of hair and makeup.  That’s as good as it gets unless I wake up looking like a Super Model and then I will probably quit this job and troll for a Sugar Daddy.

Not really, but still.  At 2.5 out of 4?????  Did I show up every day wearing pants, a shirt AND shoes?  YES? Then cut me a break.  Bump that sht up to a 3, at least.

And I think the other thing we disagreed on was attendance.  He said I hadn’t been there long enough to get a good feel for my attendance.  Um.  Hi.  I’ve been here EVERY ONE of the last 91 days that I didn’t pre-arrange vacation.  I’ve been on time every morning except the one time I was caught in traffic and called you to let you know and I am almost always the last one to leave the office.  Plus I used my vacation time to go to the Dr. when that is clearly something I could have used STA for.  What do you want from me?   But he explained that what he’s looking for is whether this person is willing to pull the work equivalent of an all-nighter when required for a project and we haven’t had that type of situation come up yet.  And I smiled while responding that I also hadn’t made him aware of the time I’d spent at home working on our current project, so that makes us even.

In the end, as I told my friend, it’s just he hadn’t known me long enough to realize that I lean more toward the Clearly Outstanding score instead of just the Exceptional score.

If only this came with a bonus.  sigh.  My friend gets a $500 for bringing me in, so I’m making her take me to lunch.  It’s the very least she could do.

In other life events, things are looking up.

Boy has managed to keep his job at the burger joint another week.  I really hope they’re not jerking him around, but am trying to stay out of it and not try to fix his problems for him.  When we were walking by his place of employment the other night I noticed there was quite a line up at the drive through and it was mighty tempting to ask who the manager had working that couldn’t handle the job.  But I didn’t.  See how exceptional I can be?

Husband still hates his frigging job but I’m starting to learn that A) it doesn’t mean he hates me, B) that’s something he’s just going to have to work out, and C) I can be a little kinder to him and try to make his home life better, which makes both of us feel better.  We are also working on him using words to express his feelings, but that’s a long arduous journey.

I am still Sparkley. I really like it.  I love the support and the connection.  It’s like facebook but with only positive feedback.  I’m working on my schedule so I don’t get sucked into a black hole two or three times a day.  It’s a blessing and a curse that they don’t care if I use my work computer to access this stuff.  I can feel my productivity slipping.  (But if I lose weight I can make those points up in Appearance, right?)

One thing about Spark People that I’m not sure how to handle is the whole “Friend” thing.  I keep getting friend requests from ladies who are leading their lives according to God’s plan, homeschooling their fourteen children and trying to lose weight through the lord.  Also, am I a bad person if I stop reading a blog when I notice a distinct lack of grammar, punctuation or a glancing blow at spelling?

I know.  I’m all judgey.  Whatever.

I love this nutrition tracker and it’s reporting feature.  I can get this report that shows how erratic my eating habits were when I was first logging and how they have evened out as I’ve gone along.  I’m not following any particular diet, just trying to keep the balance of carbs, protein and fat on an even keel throughout the week and stay within my calorie range.  I have to say, there’s a certain amount of freedom in this for me.  I need to add some fruits and veggies to the mix, but for the most part it’s working out.  I checked my stats after lunch today and saw I was a little carb-heavy, so I had a meat and cheese omelet for dinner that helped balance everything out!  It is genius.

I don’t know how much weight I’m losing, because I don’t know how accurate my starting weight was nor how accurate our bathroom scale is, but I feel better and like I am back on track.

Yeah for me!